Backyard

Let me preface this post by saying...I'm not entirely exaggerating when I refer to this as my new backyard. It's a 10 minute drive from my apartment and a reasonably timed hike for the rare occasion I wear my yoga pants to actually like, exercise. 

On a Sunday night whim, a couple friends and I ventured up to the Griffith Observatory to take in the view and the last few hours of the weekend. It was one of those aimless summer evenings. Our night at Griffith felt like summer the same way that drinking too much Pinot Grigio on the staircase of my un-air conditioned college apartment felt like summer. Moments like this embody that intangible characteristic of the season...but have become too few and far between lately.

Next to us at the top of the observatory was a young couple admiring the view. One of them was visiting from Paris for the week, so my friends and I subconsciously stepped up our LA-game, reciting the names of streets like a scene right out of The Californians. There was even a heated debate about whether or not the bright light running down the center of the city is in fact Western Avenue—jury/Google Maps is still out if anyone would like to lend some geographic expertise. 

And as we loudly pointed and squealed when we recognized a landmark, the dreamy French boyfriend (note: not just an archetype used for the dramatization of this blog post) stood in awe at our extensive, probably misguided, knowledge of Los Angeles.

It was a weird moment. Because, atop a big hill filled with buses of tourists...I felt unusually at home. Somehow, even after moving to the opposite side of town, I'm still in love with this dysfunctional city.

And yeah, it doesn't hurt that I have a telescope in my backyard.

Juncture

I have a love/hate relationship with summer. The past three have brought about lots of changes—falling somewhere in between forgettable and somewhat earth shattering. And this summer appears to be no different. 

I've been MIA from this blog yet again...but if I look back at my pattern of summer postings, I always seem to drop off somewhere in June and find my way back by fall.  Right now, my hiatus is from a combination of things. I'm working the hardest I ever have, wearing many hats and trying to learn as much as I possibly can while I'm still early on in my career. I rarely talk about my job on this blog because I like to keep this world separate, but this summer has been an important time for me at work. 

I'm also putting down roots in LA for the foreseeable future. This spring brought about the first of many quarter(ish) life crises, where each week felt like my life was about to take a complete 180. It was a constant game of stop and go. And it was, to put it simply, exhausting. Even though I couldn't plan past the next week, I didn't live a second in the moment. I wasted 6 months waiting for my life to start. I almost dropped everything to aimlessly travel the world (really). And while that's definitely still a part of the plan, it may need to wait a couple more years.

After all the stop and go, I've finally reached a juncture—the beginning of a new chapter. I'm moving...again. This time, into my own little studio on the Eastside. I'm incredibly excited and nervous at the same time. It's cute, tiny, old and has appliances from the 1950s which may or may not be up to code. It's the first time I'll be living alone and as scary as it might be, it feels like the right time to step out of my comfort zone. 

I spent most of my formative years (and who are we kidding, I'm still in my formative years...but bear with that statement for the purpose of this post) as a we—not a me. While everyone was living a normal, wonderfully reckless college existence...I was meticulously mapping out my Five-Year Plan which involved marriage, kids, and a life so drastically different from where I see those five years now, that the only thing left to do is to chuckle uncomfortably and move on.  But, even as admittedly hard and lonely and frustrating as being just me can be sometimes...this all feels right.

I'm excited to have a place that is truly my own.

So here's to a summer of good change.

...it would appear that the Weird Rut of 2015 (as it's officially named) had a purpose after all.

That Wall

Okay okay I know I said I wasn't going to give into florals for spring. But, I walked into Zara last weekend looking for Vegas outfits and left with these funky printed shorts instead. Call me a creature of habit (I never fail to live up to that title) but within a week's time it looks like I'm back to my old ways.

Style aside, I think this "back to my old ways" M.O. has been nothing but trouble lately. And while it's not manifesting itself into anything in particular...I feel stuck. I've hit a brick wall, if you will. Even though I know it's probably the first of many twenty-something-postgrad-struggles, I don't think I can shy away from this. I'm pretty sure it's one of those walls, the kind I've got to break through instead of quietly, awkwardly backing away from. (Extended metaphors—don't you just love them?)

But honestly, I'm not sure what's next...

and I guess that's the beauty of it.

____________

Shop This Post:

Forever 21 Denim Jacket

Madewell Black V-Neck

Zara High-Waisted Printed Shorts

TOMS Sunglasses

GUESS Gold Watch

Brown Leather Satchel

Target Black Strappy Sandals

Will Return

You know when you get caught up crossing things off your to-do list, neurotically checking emails, doing cultural ish, obsessing over the perfect insta filter for your b-b-basic photo, causing trouble before noon on Saturdays, and suddenly you look up and BAM it's the middle of April and you're like...my wall calendar still says it's January.

WELL, I hope you know what I mean. And while it's highly unlikely you can relate to all of the above, that's been my life lately. Time is passing far too quickly and I'm not sure I have much more to show for myself other than this Tumblr I created on a whim because...who doesn't need ONE more social network to update!?

But in all seriousness, as of late, I've been putting a lot more time into my photography and it's something I'm pretty excited about. Hobbies are good. This one forces me out of my apartment when I feel like sleeping in 'til 2pm noon. I'm finally exploring new parts of LA every week. And it's taken me out of my comfort zone in the best way possible.

TGIF.

Now // Next

I had a very interesting conversation this week about the idea of how a single moment or meeting can completely change the direction of your life. How for every million mundane moments that don't have a significant impact, there's that one that changes everything. That one hand of cards (if I'm going to get all metaphorical) where you just get lucky. And I think I often go about my life hoping for that moment—often to a fault. It's a very romantic view of the world that constantly idealizes the future. Once this happens, everything will change. etc. etc. etc. 

The past month or so, I've been living in a bit of a limbo. Waiting for the "next big thing"—the next big change that will drastically change my day-to-day and everything about my life. But in the midst of hoping and anticipating for a change, I've kind of lost the now. Which is unfortunate since I often find myself (internally) scolding people who only live in the future tense. Three weeks 'til this vacation; 6 months 'til this promotion; 1 year 'til this graduate school. It always feels like a waste of the present.

But the truth is, I'm just as guilty if not guiltier than all the rest. I think a slight discontentment with my current situation (even though Thought Catalog and every other millennial publication tells me I'm not alone) has led me to project everything on the next. And yes, maybe, hopefully something great is right around the corner. But regardless of what the future holds, I need to appreciate the present tense.

I know it's easier said than done. But, if nothing else, I think it's worth acknowledging. That's a whole lot better than nothing...right?

Full Moon

Last week, I went to Santa Monica after work with every intention of doing some shopping and running a few errands. There's a parking lot a little off the main promenade that has a great view of the city, so whenever I'm in the area I try to park on the top level to catch the view—especially around sunset.

As it turns out, on this particular night my errands were perfectly timed with a gorgeous sunset and full moon. So gorgeous, that I didn't wind up running any errands that night or even leaving the parking garage at all. Which is kind of a big deal, since there was a sale at Madewell and I had grand plans to buy something I didn't need at Anthropologie. (I may be the only person who plans their impulse shopping, but we all have our things.) Instead of shopping to fill some unexplained "void" that had been nagging me all week, I spent a good hour enjoying the view and taking photos. And I felt...unusually at peace. 

Working can be tough. Postgrad life can be weird and confusing. I often find myself dramatically alternating between feeling inspired and dissatisfied—sometimes even within the same day. There are some weeks where checking "return jeans" or "pick up almond milk" off my iPhone To-Do list feels like my biggest accomplishment. But then there's moments like this...

...where genuine happiness (somehow) comes in the form of taking photos alone on top of a Santa Monica parking garage on a Thursday night.

New Year, Same Me

I'm never quite sure how to feel about New Years posts. When it finally comes time to write one, I always feel like I'm at a loss for words—overwhelmed at the task of summarizing an entire year in a single post. And I'm not sure who these posts are really for, since my personal (old school scribbled, not typed) diary might give you a much different story than the one I'm sharing on this blog. But, I'd like to think that somewhere in my jumbled stream of consciousness that I'm anxiously writing in the last two hours of January 1 (because after that, who really wants to read a reflective New Year, New Me post?) there may be a few relatable bits and pieces.

Let me start off by saying that even if I could, I wouldn't change a thing about this year. Because even with the memories I kind of want to erase (and yes, there are more than a few)...I learned something important about myself and about others. It's been a crazy, terrible/terribly wonderful 12 months. There have been a lot of emotions. Of uncertainty, of anxiety, of passion, of loneliness, of excitement, of newfound independence...that all cumulatively feel like some sort of twenty-something right of passage. The kind of feelings that make me think maybe T-Swift was onto something.

2014 was a year of transition for me. It was my first official year out of school...even though I pretended to be in college until June. And getting used to the 8 to 5 lifestyle (or let's be honest, 7 to 7 lifestyle because commuting is a real life thing that actually sucks) isn't as easy as I thought it would be. But at the same time, it's been great. I honestly think I may be having more fun as a postgrad than I did in college. PSA: Life doesn't end after college. Especially when you're lucky enough to have best friends to brave this uncharted territory with you. In fact, there's something liberating about this newfound independence, this quasi-adulthood. As challenging as working full-time can be, it can be just as fulfilling. And paying Big Girl bills yourself is also kind of rewarding—especially when you finally accept that you have no actual concept of personal finance and that that's OK, at least for the time being.

I decided to post a photo of my cozy post-college apartment, because it's been my little refuge for the second half of the year. It was a move that came at a time I desperately needed to be pulled out of a rut, and centered me when I had felt like a postgrad hobo bouncing between empty apartments, sublets, and my hometown for an entire summer. Also, if you need a remedy for a broken heart, moving to a new place and focusing all your energy on custom framing and decorative throw pillows can help. I think the saying goes something like: The best way to get over someone is to get under...a new Anthropologie duvet? Jury's still out on that one, but it certainly didn't hurt.

I'm not very good at making resolutions, and even the ones I do make are too vague to keep. (Eat healthier, exercise more. Does more imply "more" than once?). But there is a kind of resolution I do want to keep this year, since whether I want to admit it or not, a lot of 2014 felt dictated by a number of personal relationships. So for 2015, I want to be the one in command of my own happiness. I've got a diary full of reasons behind this resolution, but nothing is more blog-worthy than that simple statement.

So, cheers to 2015!  It's a new year, but it's the same me. This time, actively taking control of my own well-being.

Postgrad year #2: I'm ready for you.

Postgrad Holiday

These photos were taken at the Old Town Orange Circle while I was back home for Thanksgiving. My mom and I spent the day there for Small Business Saturday and had fun browsing all the thrift stores and little specialty shops. Since it was sunny all weekend, I decided to wear one of my favorite floral dresses. I found this dress at Crossroads Trading Co. this past spring and even though it's originally from Anthropologie, the retro silhouette gives it a vintage feel.

In other news, I'm finally starting to get really excited about the holidays. It's my first Christmas living on my own (aka not in college, which doesn't really count) and since I don't get a wonderful monthlong winter break, I'll be at my apartment up until right before Christmas. So, I'm planning on getting some festive decorations to make my place feel more like home home. (But, also keep in mind I'm semi-broke...so my place might look more Dollar General than Anthro-esque.) Is it weird that decorating my own apartment for the holidays somehow makes me feel way more adult than paying bills, working full-time, etc?

Go figure.

___________

Outfit Details:

Anthropologie Brassica Dress

GUESS Denim Jacket

TOMS Bellini Sunglasses

GUESS Gold Watch

Fossil Brown Explorer Tote

Seychelles Nude Mules

Looking Up

In the midst of my postgrad funk (which I very well could still be in the middle of, but things are definitely looking up), I decided to sign up for a photography class downtown. Ever since I got my DSLR a few years ago, I've managed to teach myself some of the basics but have generally avoided the big scary "M" setting on my camera. M = Manual—pretty obvious, but figured I'd add that in to avoid any confusion. Signing up for the class was kind of a big deal for me. When you're working full time, it's very easy to constantly make the excuse that you're "too busy" or "too tired" to pursue other hobbies outside of work. I can't tell you how tempting it is to come home every night after a long commute, eat dinner, and veg on the couch watching SATC reruns while drinking wine and speed-Tindering until I'm 100% sure I accidentally swiped 3-5 future soulmates left due to careless error. (I know my life sounds pretty glamorous right now, but please hold all judgements until the end of this post slash don't ask me how I managed to go from photography class to Tinder...)

Anyway, I'm really enjoying the class so far and already feel like I'm using twice as many settings on my camera than I have in the past two years. Our first class assignment was to take photos that represent one of the 5 elements of photography (composition, light, color, the moment, and atmosphere), so it was fairly open ended. I wound up with a bunch of night photos taken during my last class session and after work. I wouldn't call them any sort of series, but I do like how light plays into each of them in a different way.

P.S. prepare for more photography posts like this each week :)

No Thursday Needed

It's not #TBT or #FBF (Flashback Friday...Throwback Thursday's less popular cousin) but this isn't Instagram, so I therefore reserve the right to post a photo from two years ago whenever the hell I want. And while I would rather be posting a photo from new travels, I'm not currently jet-setting Europe so this old snap from Munich will have to do. Looking through my old pictures from living abroad (which I'm still having a lot of trouble believing was two years ago...) a few photos from this weekend trip to Germany stood out to me. I remember taking this selfie with my massive DSLR for no other reason than to remember my genuine happiness in that exact moment. It's nearly impossible for me to recall my exact emotions from that trip on the spot, but I do remember more the idea of a feeling I experienced—an unparalleled elation that came from exploring new places.

As much as I crave familiarity and consistency in my life (probably more than most), I think there's always going to be periods of time when I'm in need of some Grand Shakeup to throw me back into the mix. Kickstart creativity. Recreate that emotion, not just the idea of it. I may not be old enough to say "always"...but I have a feeling this statement will ring true far past my twenties.

Rather than reminiscing on past travels, I would like to be traveling. Which is a wonderful idea in theory, before real life responsibilities and obligations sneak their way in. I guess what I'm getting at is: I've caught the travel bug once again and want to make it a bigger priority in "the plan." SO pre-Grand Shakeup (thinking of trademarking this - good or bad idea?), whenever that may be, I'm working on cutting myself a little slack. An upcoming weekend trip to San Francisco will help. Along with this article. Read once & repeat.

The Edit

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about the social "edit" we go through on a daily basis. Perhaps this is just a symptom of me working in social media...but I can't help but think about the contrast between peoples' online personas and reality. Even on this blog (which I try to keep as authentic as possible) I'm creating an edited version of myself. Editing out the nitty gritty details that no one wants needs to hear about—postgrad turmoil, dating drama, mundane obligations, etc. etc. etc. It's a unique symptom of the generation (Gen X, Gen Y ...which one is it again? All I know is I'm a Millennial and marketers love me) and I'm sure there will be plenty to be said about this—and us—twenty, fifty, or a hundred years from now.

A week or so ago, in an attempt to make myself feel better about the whole not-being-a-student-thing I went through a couple of my favorite class syllabi. While school has never been my favorite (although, yeah I'll definitely be the first to admit I miss certain aspects of it), there were a few Sociology classes I took that really stood out to me. One in particular was a unique seminar on Hipsters. I had completely forgotten until I re-read it, but I wrote my final paper on the Modern Hipster's use of social media as a means of creating his or her identity. Performing and reinforcing their "coolness" through a filtered (no pun intended) version of themselves. 

And it's so true, it's too true. There are 100% a million times (math) I would love to temporarily unplug if it weren't a part of my work and the fact that while there are some pretty negative symptoms of social media...there's also an invaluable connectivity gained from being plugged-in. While sometimes I don't care that #Beyonce is trending on Twitter, or the latest #OOTD someone (could have been me!) posted, I do care about the real time interaction and the virtually instantaneous spread of information.

If you're wondering what the hell kind of non-outfit post this is, the truth is I don't have any essays for class to channel these random thoughts so I figured I might as well use a platform I do have. Blogspot has provided me with an internet soapbox so I'm going to use it! Maybe it's time for me to consider pursuing my PHD in Social Media. Is that a thing?

Food for thought.

P.S. this photo was taken in The Last Bookstore in Downtown. I went for the photo op...but it's a pretty cool place worth checking out.

Soapbox

I don't know whether it was my new dress or something else in the air, but I just felt like blogging. And it's a feeling I've been waiting on for quite some time. I've fallen in and out of ruts, but thankfully inspiration has always managed to find its way back to me. However, I must say that waiting for it when it's missing is an uncomfortable and downright painful process. There's nothing particularly special about this outfit, but it made me feel like a cool-girl rocking a paper bag and has enough edge to potentially intimidate a stranger upon first glance. SO, it felt blog worthy. This dress was one of those purchases (like many that I make at Madewell) that I had to sort of force myself to buy. But I've quickly become obsessed/plan to never take it off. Seriously: sleeping, eating, plus-ing or minus-ing 15 pounds—this shift can and will withstand anything. The last recorded case of this kind of obsession involves my grey sweatshirt dress which will likely come back in heavy rotation once it starts to cool down in LA.

I can already feel it...this post is going to be long and wordy and much more information than you probably want in an outfit post. I get it—you came here for outfits and suggestive shopping links—I'm the same way. But, I've salvaged my little old internet soapbox, if only for a moment, so I'm going to ramble as long as my html and attention span will let me.

Lately, I've been caught up in everything except myself and as silly as that sounds, it's true. I think sometimes we (and by we, I mean me) lose ourselves in relationships, work, and anything in between. When one part of my life falls out of whack, it takes a while for me to find my center. And when more than one thing is off-balance, well...that's when I don't blog for five months and only pop in to write a few lengthy and wonderfully vague posts about "life, etc." However, I can feel myself gradually bouncing back and I think a lot of it has to do with my active attempt at building a schedule, finding contentment in routine, and pushing myself to just go through the motions until something feels different. Best post-grad advice I've been given. Thanks Mom.

So here's to a long overdue outfit post. And hoping this isn't just a momentary spark of style blogging brilliance. And by brilliance, I really just mean attendance.

I'm here—present & dressed, clothed & caffeinated. Happy fall.

_____________
Outfit Details:

Shift Dress—Madewell
Cameo Necklace—Vintage
Gold Watch—GUESS
Black Crossbody—Vintage Coach
Brown Ankle Boots—Madewell

That Wave

The longer I go not blogging, the easier it becomes to, well...not blog. I can't remember the last time I took an outfit photo. And you know what? I'm okay with it. While I'm not ready to completely break up with this blog, I think this hiatus is necessary.

I've got a whole lot of thoughts about a whole lot of things and I'm not sure where to pick up. And I don't know what feels appropriate or not to share on this "style" blog. Or, let's be honest, the internet in general. Without blogging, I feel like I'm lacking a creative outlet, but I can't put my finger on the type of creative outlet I'm in desperate need of.

I've spent the past month not-so-secretly binge watching Sex and the City (yes, there are a million other more intellectual shows to watch, but there's something so relatable about it that I just can't resist.) and a part of me really just wants to be a Carrie and magically support myself in NYC by writing one relationship column. Which, nowadays, would be like me paying my overpriced LA rent by contributing one blog post to Cosmopolitan per month - sound about right? But truthfully, a lot of what I've wanted to blog about lately has not been about fashion or style. In fact, it's been the furthest thing from it. Blame it on working in fashion, but once I get home, the last thing I want to do is look at another screen and keep talking about clothes. Don't get me wrong, I'll always love clothes, but variety really is the spice of life.

I think I'm in the midst of one of those angsty #postgrad transitions (I should probably start contributing to Thought Catalog.) and I'm riding that wave of change. Honestly, the changes have been mostly good. But change is change nonetheless and it still leaves me with an unsettled feeling that I can't quite place. Anyway, I'm not sure where I'm going with this. Just thought I'd check in and give a cyber hey-I'm-still-around-but-nope-still-no-outfits. And in the meantime, while I figure out my creative calling, here's a mystical iPhone photo to enjoy. I say that sarcastically, but I actually do really love this shot. You don't always need a fancy DSLR to perfectly capture a moment.

It's been nice to scribble back in this journal blog for a little bit. Be back soon...maybe :)

Transitions

My my my it's been quite a while, hasn't it? This wasn't one of those planned blogging breaks. It was one of those breaks where life got crazy and suddenly I had a second to breathe, looked at my blog, and realized I hadn't posted for over two months. Whether you're in school or not, there's just something about summer that feels transitory. I know I'm certainly in a place of transition right now. Even though I finished classes back in December, I'm officially officially a graduate. It's the end of a wonderful mini-era that I wouldn't change for the world. I don't know if I'd relive it in a heartbeat, since I finally feel ready to move on to the next chapter, but I do know that I'll miss every second of it.

One of the strangest parts of this transition is watching friends leave, while things stay relatively the same for me. I'm still at the same great job and will still be in LA for the foreseeable future. However, I can't help but feel somewhat left behind while everything is changing around me. On another note, I'm not quite sure about the future of this little blog of mine either. I've made no promises to myself one way or the other, but right now life is too busy for me to make it a priority. And...I know it'll still be here whenever I do decide to come back.

For now, I'm just going to ride the wave of this summer transition. I'm in between apartments and will be "moving" for the next month (Moving "Day" is a myth—it feels more like Moving Year) so everything is disorganized and up in the air. I don't do well with change, but I'm working on it and trying to do that thing called living in the moment. We'll see how it goes :)

Growing Pains And Everything In Between

2013...ohhhh where do I begin? Let me start out by saying: 2013 was one for the books. I'm fairly certain I used the exact same phrase in last year's New Year's post, but um, I'm pretty sure they would be filed in very different record books. Like 2012 would be in Guinness' World Records, and 2013 would get recorded in some strange, alternative book that no one wants to read.

You know, I've thought long and hard about this post (just kidding, I'm writing it on the fly), and the best way to describe 2013 was that it was kind of—please excuse my French—the little asshole of years. But as completely overly dramatic as I'm being, I'm also so grateful this year happened. I needed this year to happen; I needed the growing pains. Looking back, I can honestly say I've learned more about myself in these twelve (or really even six) months than I have in the past four years. Self-awareness was a big thing for me this year. As was growth.

I feel like a different person now than when the year started, but not in any drastic way. I just feel healthier and more in control of my well-being. The book I'm currently reading talks a lot about growth as a means of happiness. And while the growing pains themselves weren't pleasant, I think I've finally reached a plateau of contentment, as well as excitement for the coming year. For the first time in my life, I'm running regularly (shocking, I know), eating healthier (of course there's always the occasional chocolate croissant/wine binge), and even meditating. I hope to keep up these habits in the coming year and add on new ones like reading and writing more, even as I'm working full-time.

Anyway, the number 13 is usually associated with superstition (or just awkward-pubescent-junior-high-teenhood), so REALLY 2013 was doomed from the beginning. So, by that logic, if 13 was the year of bad luck/difficult changes....I'm hoping 14 can be the fun and carefree "freshman" year of my postgrad life. I'll be adorably innocent, and maybe even some hunky senior on the football team will want to date me.

Happy 2014! Let's make this a good one :)